im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
