I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
