yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
