a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
