Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
