i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
