are you still at the devil's house?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
