great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
