I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
