Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
