then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
