He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
