I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter