Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award