I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.