i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning