If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
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It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.