I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.