he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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