how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
