we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Randomize
