There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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