Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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