shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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