i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
