His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
