...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
