So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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