Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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