Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
