I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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