I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
