In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
