I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
