Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
