rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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