It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
