Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize