Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize