Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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