is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
