I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
