Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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