yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
