White coat. Heels.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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