just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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