I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
