she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
