I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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