I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
