who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
