can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
