I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
