I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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