I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
