i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
