Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize