i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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