and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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