if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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