someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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