Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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