he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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