I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
